Love and Suffering

All those who have seen the Princess Bride will perhaps remember that time when Wesley , as the Dread Pirate Roberts, tells Buttercup, "Life is pain, highness! Anyone who says otherwise is selling something." The same is true for love.

Love is, much more often than not, pain. It is suffering, more perhaps, than you believed you could suffer. Suffering, however, is essential to love, for without suffering, one cannot truly be said to love. The ultimate test of friendship is what happens to that friendship when you are down, when you can't go on. The true friend is the one that stands beside you at that time, looking out for you and your interests, whether or not it is in his or her best interests to do so.

It is so very, very similar with love. How does one show love to others when one is in pain, whether it be emotional, physical, spiritual, or intellectual? This is the ultimate question and the true determining factor of love- can you, when you've been hurt, when you're tired, when you're upset, can you give of yourself to the point that you do what is best for the other person at that moment? That is the goal we must strive towards, the goal we must seek to live out.

Suffering is the true test of love- it is the fire that burns the dross from the gold. It is the flame that tempers the steel. Suffering is the cleansing flame, that if embraced with love, has the ability to make us whole.

If you wish for inspiration, look to the Cross. There you will find suffering, because there you find love. “No greater love is there than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Is this not what it is to suffer? And in suffering, is this not the living out of love?

This is not to say that love is suffering always, and that if you are not suffering you are not loving. But one must be willing to suffer and endure anything for the beloved. In that consists the purifying essence of suffering, when embraced with love.

God love you.

Picking up from where we left off...

What, then, is love? Love, fundamentally, is a choice, a choice to do that which is best for the other person. It truly is that simple, but our rather jaded society does not easily see it as such. So, we shall unpack the definition.

Love is a choice- that's right, love is a verb, not a noun. It is an action, just like throwing, reading, eating, sitting, standing, running, etc- 'to love' is the word we speak of for this action that influences all others.

As for the other person, that is straightforward enough- the recipient of the action, is naturally the other person, whether it be someone we know, someone we just met, or the random man or woman who may walk into our lives one moment and out it again in the next. That is the other who must be loved.

As for doing the right thing, this is the actual, physical, intellectual, or spiritual manifestation of the action of loving. It takes on a wide variety of forms and in many circumstances, another name, but fundamentally, may still remain love. This section is quite probably the most hotly debated section, which will most likely recieve the majority of time and space on this blog.

An argument against Pragmatism-

This particular definition for love may seem to be one in which the end justifies the means, yet this is not so. Let us state the remaining conditions necessary to the case, or, can love do something which is morally evil to achieve a morally good end?

Allow me to ask the question- is it permissible to murder someone to send their soul to Heaven? For the sake of this argument, if you do not believe in Heaven or the soul, let us assume that they both exist, that Heaven is a place of eternal happiness, and that the soul is meant to go there. Therefore, is one permitted to murder in order to send a soul to Heaven?

The answer is that no, one may not. Why? For the action of murder is a morally evil action- it is neither morally neutral nor good, and as was explained earlier, if any one of the three conditions, intention, action, or circumstances, is wrong, then such an action is morally evil and cannot be done out of love- because love would not violate one of these three.

Thus, love is not pragmatic in nature. Rather, love is patient, kind, slow to anger, abounding in mercy, vast as the sky, unfathomable as the depths of the sea, conquering all, it bows to none, enduring all things, reigning over all. Such is Love in its essence.

Fare thee well until next time.

God love you.

Desire of the Heart/ What is NOT Love

Let us begin at the beginning- what is that most desired by the human heart in all the world? One could say that the desire to be satisfied is that which resides most deeply in the human heart. But what then satisfies this desire? Perhaps it is money, or power, or perhaps the pleaseures of the world and the flesh? Yet money grows useless and idle in overabundance and the rich are more often less satisfied with life than others. As for power, one king dies, another arises- there is nothing new under the sun. It is but Vanity, as the Biblical writer tells us. Perhaps then the pleasures of the world? Yet those who partake of such without moderation become old and withered before their time, like a candle that stays too long near the fire. What then, is this unquenchable desire which has been planted within the human heart?

Truly, that which is meant to satisfy the heart is love. How can that be, you say, when so many, who no doubt have loved, are now so sad? If that is the case, then why is divorce more rampant now than ever before? If mankind truly desires love, then why is there war and death, poverty and famine? Why? It seems that this is the failure of love. It has been tried and found wanting.

To answer this, let us explore this crazy little thing called love. First, one should always define one's terms. So I shall begin with explaining first what love is not, then moving on to what love is.

Love- or perhaps better, non-love. What is it? Let us begin with the definitions of the world. Let us begin with the most obvious, frequently glorified by Hollywood and various elements of the media world-wide; sex! Surely, is not love, sex? No, though sex may be a part of love- it is, truly, the expression of the flowering of marital love, but outside of the covenant of marriage, sex becomes one of, a supremely selfish act, as it says to the other, "You're not good enough for me to make myself wait for later. I want you NOW!" Yet love is not about the "I," rather about the "other." Thus, sex itself is not love.

Perhaps one would counter with, but what if the other wants it? Then we come to the issue of circumstance in the action, resulting in the same problem as before. If not saved for the proper time and place, it is not an act of self-giving that intercourse is meant to be, but rather it becomes an act of self-gratification. There are three parts to an act- the intention, the act itself, and the circumstances. If even one of these is wrong, then the marital act is rendered inherently selfish, non-loving.

"What is love? Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!" So runs a popular song, though perhaps it runs not as popularly as it used to. But is the avoidance of pain truly what makes love be what it is? If anything, love is the acceptance of pain and suffering, rather than the avoidance of it.

Perhaps one might say that to love is to always be happy. Yet while this would seem nice, it would not match common human experience, which proves very easily that remaining in that state of contentement the world calls happiness at all times is impossible.

Perhaps love is always making others happy. While this is closer to the ultimate purpose of love, it is still lacking the distinguishing of love from "good intentions."

One might say that love consists in living a good life. But what then, is a good life? If a good life is to never bother anyone, to remain in a perpetual state of inaction so as not to upset others, then is that what it means to be good, to never risk the ire of others? Or perhaps, is that fear? Either way, is that what it is to love? Be warned! For if ye be lukewarm, ". . . I shall spit thee forth," says God.

Perhaps then, love is to perpetually find fault with others that they may become better persons! Yet, if this is done without the intention, truly, of doing what is best, then is that love? Does love nit-pick and nag at all times? Is love something that brings others down to one's level rather than striving to raise them up? Does love critique without relent? Nay, for that breaks the spirit and crushes the soul continually- that is not the the way of love.

More in the next post!

Rules of Engagement/ First Post

Dear One and All, Welcome.

It is my purpose with this blog to seek to discourse on a topic very near and dear to the heart of every man and woman upon this planet, from all ages and places, whether admitted or not. It is the purpose of this work to discourse on the topic of love, its necessity to the human person, and its relationship to the Divine.

But before we begin, a few rules must be laid down for those who would like to comment on my little discourses. Commenting is welcome and debate is encouraged and these rules are designed to facilitate this aspect of the project.

So, with that in mind, please read the little thingee over there on the side.

And, until next time, God love you.